Your Next Career Move: Daydreams and Reality

Sept. 22, 2009

I recently had dinner with a bright, cheerful mom* I know. A former lawyer who is now at home with her young children, she told me that though she wasn’t ready to go back to work just yet, she needs to start thinking about it. She is thankful to be able to enjoy her time with her children now but knows this can’t go on forever: her children will grow up, her family will need the money, and she is itching to do something new.

When I asked her what she might like to do, she said, “I don’t know.”

So I replied, “Don’t think—just tell me. What do you really want to do?”

She then sat up, smiled, and laughed, “You’re going to think I’m crazy, but….” And then she proceeded to tell me about her dream job.

I’m not going to tell you what that job is. Let’s just say that her idea is indeed farfetched. You can use your imagination here; I think there must be at least one pie-in-the-sky, outlandish job or career we all daydream about. (Personally, I’ve always wondered what it might be like to be a female version of James Bond. Those of you who know me well know how ridiculously unsuited I would be for that job!)

What I can tell you is that as this mother described her “crazy” dream job, she straightened her entire body. She giggled in a somewhat girlish way, and her speech became rapid. She seemed bashful and bold at the same time.

But then she sank into her chair, looked down at her plate of food, and said, “But I suppose what I’ll probably do is look for a corporate compliance job. That is, after all, what I’ve been trained to do and what I did before I had children.”

So many women find themselves in a predicament similar to this woman’s. For a variety of reasons, many moms are not “employed” or working for pay (in my opinion, all moms work) right now. They want to go back to work (whether soon or some day) but don’t want to return to what they did before they had children. They either didn’t truly enjoy their prior job or believe the hours/travel/pace required wouldn’t allow them to parent the way they want to. Others are currently employed but have jobs that are personally unsatisfying or incompatible with their family life.

Whatever the reason may be, a number of moms seem to be “stuck,”—unable to envision anything in between the two extremes of their “daydream” job and their former “day” job.

Some moms believe they have been out of the workforce too long and their next career move feels especially daunting.

Moreover, given the poor economy, more women than usual have been knocking at my door, asking how I might help them find work. As such, nearly all of my clients have signed on for “career exploration coaching” with me.

While every client’s situation is different, the steps we take together follow more or less the same path:

1. Taking stock of talents and strengths in all aspects of life. We figure out what is going well and what my client has been doing to make it go well. We also identify what sorts of things she does so well and naturally that she isn’t even aware that she does them. We zero in on what makes her unique and what excites her. Finally, we figure out what leaves her feeling drained and what she probably should avoid.
2. Examining external resources and constraints.   We identify the people who can help my client not just in her career but also at home and with childcare. We explore who is on her personal “board of directors” (that is, not just mentors but those who may unknowingly be guiding her in other aspects of her life). We also look at the job parameters she needs or desires: location, hours, days, employed or self-employed status, solitary work or work among colleagues, etc.
3. Mapping out concrete, manageable “baby steps” to determine what she should do next. We make doable what seemed insurmountable. We start out by doing something very small. Something very small is always better than nothing at all; something very small can build up a surprising amount of momentum. And along the way, we tackle any roadblocks that may arise when my client takes those baby steps.

Of course, you can certainly explore these areas without a coach. But when undertaken with me, the process is faster and more efficient, highly effective, hence more gratifying.

In particular, there is great power in the sharing involved in verbalizing thoughts for a coach and putting them to paper. For one thing, these actions ultimately compel you to be more accountable to yourself.

A coach is also able to notice what a client cannot. As I mentioned earlier, I point out my clients’ strengths and unique talents, which they often take for granted. Equally important, in nearly every session I can identify negative, untrue messages my clients “send” themselves, which are best eradicated. Most of us think these energy-draining thoughts without even realizing it or being aware of the damage they can do.

Although I guide my clients through the above steps, my clients determine their own paths. I never proclaim to know what is best for them. I am not the expert in my clients’ lives and professional fields; they are. (While all are talented, they hail from a wide variety of professions in which I could never claim to be an expert.) Perhaps what I do best is boosting their confidence to see more clearly all options available to them.

Finally, consider the fact that the best athletes have coaches. Michael Jordan was a tremendously talented basketball megastar, but it wasn’t until Phil Jackson joined the Chicago Bulls that Jordan won those championship rings. You may not be a professional athlete, but a coach can be no less helpful to those facing the mentally strenuous challenges of exploring a new career.

Instead of taking my word for it, you can experience for yourself what it is like to be coached. My Get Your Life Back, Mom! workshop series begins on Tuesday, October 6. While it is useful for any mom trying to balance work and family, it is an excellent way for women exploring career options (at any stage) to make tangible progress in finding rewarding careers that allow them to remain closely connected to their families.

Although I do recommend taking all six classes, you do not have to. If you can take only one, take the first session. If you can take a second one, try the second one as well. And if you can squeeze in a third one, I suggest taking the fifth session.

If the times and dates above do not work for you, give me a call or email me; I can provide you more details about my career exploration coaching consultations.

Don't stop dreaming,
Stacy

* Pertinent details changed or omitted to protect her privacy.

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