Holiday Moments

On November 1, a “to-do” that I had entered about 11 months ago on my online to-do list, Toodledo, appeared.

It read: “Start planning for Christmas now before you get too crazy busy.”

Last year, things got hectic right before the winter holidays, and I vowed that I would not let that happen this year. As I wrote in last year’s newsletter, I made every effort to take things off my to-do and shopping lists, did my best to restore my energy and protect my time, and tried very hard to not worry about the uncertain future of the economy. In short, I did my best to try to enjoy the holidays.

While I believe my efforts were successful, the holidays still ended up being more hectic than I had wanted them to be. Family members put things on a plate that I hadn’t asked for. Last-minute developments arose that I hadn’t anticipated. So in January, I wrote myself that reminder.

Well, a month has passed since my reminder appeared, yet I’ve gotten very little done as far as Christmas is concerned. Despite Black Friday and Cyber Monday, I haven’t purchased any gifts, let alone decided what to get close family and friends. Instead of taking advantage of all the great deals, I paid extra shipping charges so that my holiday photo cards could be expedited to my home.

Last year, I postponed a get-together to January, in part to lighten my December schedule. This year, I added hosting a small get-together just before we leave to visit my husband’s family.

When will I ever learn?

Looking at the days ahead, I realize I am at a mental fork in the road. I know myself: I enjoy the holidays. When I look at my list of things to do, I know I don’t want to pare things down any further. Even the last-minute get-together I added is a gathering I really want to host, so I’m making that as simple as possible. So really all that remains are the “essentials.”

Yet despite all the pruning and paring down, I know it’s going to get busy because I’m behind “schedule,” having ignored that reminder a month ago. In addition, I suspect some unavoidable last-minute tasks will pop up.

So what to do?

Rather than just giving in to it all and saying, “It’s going to be hectic no matter what,” I’m trying something new this holiday season. I realize it may not change my actions, but my attitude is going to be very different. This season, I’m going to try to fully experience the holidays moment by moment. This means that regardless of how busy I get, I’m not going to let myself rush.

More specifically, I’m...

• Trying not to multitask but instead being mindful as I carry out one task at a time. Research has shown that multitaskers do not perform better or have more special talents than uni-taskers. Not only is multitasking inefficient, it is takes away from being fully present in a given situation. So I try not to have several programs/windows open on my computer screen at the same time, and I try not to squeeze in a phone call while I’m boiling pasta.

• Continuously asking myself, "How do I want to spend the moment right now?" My coach calls this “pressing the pause button.” I often find myself mindlessly getting swept up in tasks that come my way without having made an actual decision about what it is that I want or really need to do at that very moment. Using the computer as an example again, I’ll respond right away to a non-urgent email instead of answering more urgent or important ones. Or I’ll take perhaps just a moment too long in the morning fretting over what I’m going to wear (out of concern over what other parents at the school bus stop will think of me) rather than just making a choice and being OK with how I’m dressed.

• Taking breaks from planning. Sometimes I find myself continuously planning “what’s next.” It’s as if my mind is in overdrive and is separate from my body: my head is in the future, whereas my body may still be in the present. As a result, I am not fully participating in the present and I can’t completely enjoy what’s happening now. So I am making a conscious effort to spend focused moments on planning. I’ll set the timer for 30 minutes, get out my calendar and my to-do list, and make plans. Or I’ll set the timer for 30 minutes and go through my email inbox quickly. When the timer goes off, I’ll stop and assess the situation. If I need more time, I’ll reset the clock. But if not, I’ll quickly finish up and then try to stop the mental planning. Then, when I’m not in “focused planning mode” and a thought pops into my head about something I need to do, I’ll either make a quick note or tell myself, “I’ll deal with that during my next planning session. Now is the time to make breakfast/read to my child/talk to my friend.”

As always, I’m not here to tell you to live your life as I live mine. I’m just sharing with you how I’m making an effort to apply to my own life what I learn from my clients and my research. I’m far from perfect, and I certainly haven’t yet mastered the techniques I’ve described above.

What I do have is the benefit of working with many talented, caring women. As part of my job, I have the privilege of reading and thinking about the issues that many of these smart, loving moms face. By sharing with you my own reflections, I hope that you, too, will have a chance to reflect on what you want from and how you wish to spend your December holidays.

Wishing you moments of joy and peace that continue beyond the holidays,
Stacy

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