Friendly Faces, Kind Voices

Happy New Year!

Yesterday I had an interesting conversation with my spiritual mentor about new year’s resolutions” (NYRs). As you may already know, I am not a big fan of them. (You may recall my newsletter about this topic last year.)

She agrees that most NYRs are not very productive. (I was, of course, delighted that someone I admire so much agrees with me: I couldn’t help but feel “smart” because the “teacher” shares my opinion.)

But then she said something quite profound, proving she was indeed the teacher and I the student: “This time of year is a natural point in time to reflect on the last year. If people took some time to be introspective, then I think that can actually be quite beneficial. Simply ask yourself, ‘How am I feeling about my life as it is right now?’ Then be kind to yourself and ask, ‘How can I feel better?’ ”

She continued, “Being kind to yourself is key…. especially in this day and age when we are often not surrounded by Community as we once were. We don’t have a consistent set of friendly faces and kind voices in our lives every day. We are more isolated and insular. And, as a result, when we start slipping, we slip farther down and fall deeper into trouble/despair than we might have before because there are fewer people around us to notice and help us when we first start to slip.”

This is true.

This time of year, the post-winter holiday season, is indeed a time when people do take stock of their lives. We’ve received greetings in the form of a card, picture, or email from family, friends, and colleagues we don’t hear from every day. We may have visited with relatives or friends we haven’t seen in a while.

Not only are we catching up with family and friends, we are getting summaries from other aspects of our lives. Year-end financial statements will start arriving. There may be memberships of different sorts to renew. For those who have health insurance, a new medical year (i.e., another new set of paperwork) begins.

So given all these different sorts of assessments, it is natural for most people to conclude that there is something lacking in their lives or a problem that needs to be fixed. And then, because we are wired to do so, we try to fill the gap or fix the problem.

We work so hard to make things better but, in the process, are we being kind to ourselves? We tend to set goals that remind us too often of our shortcomings and, in the end, also deplete our energy or our spark. Or we set goals that don’t truly nourish us; feeling unsatisfied, we give up or end up wanting more.

Sometimes we don’t recognize we’re going down the wrong path. Where are the friendly faces and kind voices? Who in our lives would notice, let alone catch us, if we were to fall?

Nearly all the mothers I know take care of so many people that they care for themselves last, if at all. And have you noticed that, when our hard work is recognized, our culture often tells us to “treat ourselves” with beauty treatments? Again, more reminders of our shortcomings, perhaps?

This year, I would like to suggest that we all take my mentor’s advice:

1. Let’s take some time to reflect. And to be kind to ourselves at the same time, let’s look back and review all of the accomplishments we achieved last year, big and small. Let’s not try to list these quickly; let’s spend some time dwelling on them so that we can remember the many items we have accomplished. I am confident that there are indeed many.
2. Let’s “take our pulse.” Again, being gentle to ourselves, let’s think about how we—not others—are feeling about our lives right now.
3. Let’s think of small ways to make ourselves feel better, starting with those that can make us feel even a little better, this month.
4. Finally, let’s think of some friendly faces and kind voices we can reconnect with this week and more often in the next month.

We already know that in order to be the best mothers we can, we need to be strong and healthy in mind, body, and spirit. And in order to do that, we need to take care of ourselves.

If you’re in need of some (new) friendly faces and kind voices, please consider one of the upcoming events, or feel free to call or email me.

I, too, will be most happy to see your friendly face and hear your kind voice.

Stacy

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